Fi Club at Ruuts!

I am Kaiser Soze.

Bike Hero!

Link to article asplaining it.

Deadly Sins

From Cracked.com
The Seven Deadly Sins of Online Gaming

#5.
Humpophilia (Lust)

Imagine It:

The worst possible thing that can happen to anyone has just happened to you. You’ve been killed. In a game.

You were manning the rear gun of a Warthog when the driver pulled hard right to avoid a group of Covenant Hunters and slammed your head right into errant sniper fire. Your whole life—all ninety seconds of it—flashes instantly before your visor. Then your head is snapped cleanly off like a breaking celery stalk, and tumbles down a grassy hillside.

Yet, you live. For a few precious moments, your consciousness remains, and through fading vision, you watch the Warthog driver stop, leap from the vehicle, and run to your body, which has fallen belly-down over a rocky outcropping. What’s he doing? Is he trying to help you? Can’t he see it’s too late?

Gingerly, delicately, the driver steps up to the rear of your body, then backs up a few inches, steps forward again. And again. He mutters “heh…awesome.” Yanking your eyes from the image of your body being defiled, you are affronted by two armor-plated testicles descending from above. The man crouching repeatedly over your head pauses only to take several screen caps.

Your brain finally ceases activity, and you log off to take the longest, hottest shower of your life.

Why It’s Seriously Not Cool:

No one likes to get raped, and it’s even less pleasant when you’re dead. Humping someone’s dead body isn’t just nasty, it’s downright insulting. You’ve killed him; you won. Chill out with the aggressive homoeroticism already.

There’s a reason that in all of human history, there’s never been a civilization that showed dominion over their opponents by humping their freshly killed corpses on the battlefield. Except the Sumerians, but everyone thought they were dicks.

Appropriate Punishment:

In-game, real-time ritual castration to be performed by the respawned victim.
The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Gaming

Shoot It Up

This Fi Club looks to be gun-toting-split-screen-tastic. We should have a couple of boxes running with some split screen L4D and Gears 2. We should be able to get both co-op campaign and 2v2 for Gears which will be ace.

So, Munchk is to bring his spare box, and possibly a TV, although I do have a monitor and speakers, but I need you to bring an RGB cable if we're doing that.

k 0 0 k 1 e please can you bring your copy of Gears 2?

Ruut, please can you bring your everlasting Pizza Hut coupon?

And we need a couple more controllers. Don't mind who brings them.

We can also have a look at Fallout 3 on a spare account (so I get a clean run and no free achievements.)

Nintendo Can Fuck Off Too

Nintendo can join Epic's Mike Capps in kissing my ass. Destructoid.com report that Nintendo are using single-use activation codes to tie their largely pointless Wii Speak peripheral to a single console. The code allows you to download the channel software that the Speak uses - a driver if you like.

This is the latest incidence of publishers striking back at used game sales, which is an epidemic crushing profits and putting the entire industry at a near standstill. The situation is reminiscent of the film industry and its dreadful collapse after rental stores opened their collective doors and killed consumer motivation to purchase or travel to the theatre to watch movies.

I cannot believe that Nintendo lose a lot of money through second hand peripheral sales. To me this shows a complete lack of faith in consumer attachment to this device, they just want to make sure everyone has to buy it first-hand before they decide it's shit.

NXE: Games on your HDD

Here's a couple of quick links to some interesting information about installing and playing games from your HDD, courtesy of the NXE due on the 19th November.

First, from Eurogamer is a fairly detailed look at how fast games load and stream from your HDD compared to the DVD.

The methodology for the tests was remarkably straightforward - my workhorse Xbox 360 Elite ran a carefully selected range of ten top games, first from DVD, then from hard disk. Video captures of both gameplay run-throughs allowed us to get frame-accurate loading times (rounded up to the nearest half-second) and the comparison of the selected footage could also be used to judge any differences in game performance.

Second is a video from IGN showing how much quieter you can expect your Xbox 360 to be when streaming from HDD instead of DVD.

Sloppy Seconds

I haven't had time to read the entire article but the synopsis on Slashdot for this article at gamesindustry.biz made me mad.

Q: How do you see downloadable content evolving over the next few years?

Michael Capps: I'm not sure how big it is here [in Europe], but the secondary market is a huge issue in the United States. Our primary retailer makes the majority of its money off of secondary sales, and so you're starting to see games taking proactive steps toward that by... if you buy the retail version you get the unlock code.

I've talked to some developers who are saying "If you want to fight the final boss you go online and pay USD 20, but if you bought the retail version you got it for free". We don't make any money when someone rents it, and we don't make any money when someone buys it used - way more than twice as many people played Gears than bought it...

This sucks as bad as the rumoured (and nixed) PS3-burns-a-sector-on-your-disks-so-you-can't-sell-them 'feature.'

The fuckwad then goes on to imply that second-hand gamers are stealing:

Q: Do you see an enemy in this equation? Is it the retailer, or the purchaser of second-hand games?

Michael Capps: I'd hate to say my players are my enemies - that doesn't make any sense! But we certainly have a rule at Epic that we don't buy any used games - sure as hell you're not going to be recognised as an Epic artist going in and buying used videogames - because this is how we make our money and how all our friends in the industry make money.

I think a little bit of it is education so people realise that the reason there's no PC market right now is piracy. I mean, Crytek just put out some numbers saying the ratio was 20:1 on Crysis, for pirated to non-pirated use. So guess what? That's why there's no Gears of War 2 on PC, because there's no market, because copying killed it - and that's gruesome to a company like ours that's been in the PC market for so long.

We're trying to fix it, there's a new alliance of companies trying to make PC gaming work again. But if people are playing games without buying them, then the games aren't going to keep coming.

What a wanker.

Left 4 Dead Demo Today

The Left 4 Dead demo is released on XBL today. I hope to get a bit of a play in tonight, and with luck we'll be able to room-up and play as a team (and you need to play as a team, believe me.)

BritishGaming have a useful Survival guide with tips on how best to face each type of zombie and some general hints.

If you’re at the safe house and one team member is lagging behind, or pinned down, don’t hesitate to kill your team mate and shut the door. They’ll respawn next round.

So much for 'No man left behind.'

If you are vomited on by a Boomer, run for the nearest closet, cupboard or small room such as a bathroom. Shut the door and hold your cross hair on the door. While the upcoming rush of Zombies will be able to break the door eventually, your Boomer-vomit headache will have worn off and you’ll be ready to fight. On the other side of the door, the entirely ignored survivors can pick off the undead with ease. Even on the hardest difficulty, a cupboard can ensure you lose absolutely no health to a Boomer attack.

MMmm... Boomer vomit.

If you’re at the front of the group - please, for the love of god, duck.

Zombie ducks? Quack!

Little Big Petersfield

so last friday didn't pan out, and the Fi before was lacking a little something to keep us interested. So this friday, Petersfield will host an extraordinary Fi where we can pull apart Little Big Planet.

Maybe we will finally be able to answer questions such as, does the PS3 have a decent title? Did Matt really buy it for the DVD/BR player?

Now, get your sack on :)

Demos Up

Just a really quick heads-up that there are XBL demos for Mirrors Edge, Tomb Raider - Underworld and Banjo Kazooie up right now. They're all exactly what you saw at EGExpo if you were there, but well worth a play in the comfort of your own home without half a dozen people snorting at your ineptitude behind your back.

All three are very very playable, and ME and TR have made my Kaboodle Xmas list. Still not 100% sold on BK, but it's very reminisicent of the N64 classic so it might well get added at some point.

Falling Out

I have just spent a weekend in the company of Fallout 3. I had intended to finish the body of either Oblivion, or Fallout on the PC, before I attacked it, but my will was weak and my wallet was padded with £50 I unexpectedly received in uncollected loans.

What a game.

I was enjoying Oblivion very much - it has a wide open world, and it was easy to get distracted by the many, many side-quests on your way around Cyrodil. If you've played it, then you will have a pretty good understanding of the basic mechanics of the game. What you won't appreciate is the sheer atmosphere that drips from Fallout 3.

It is as rich in realisation as Bioshock, with the added bonuses of being able to wander freely around the whole game world, having loads of locations to visit, being imbibed with genuinely smile-inducing post-apocalyptic humour delivered through the mediums of NPCs and the nuked-desolate remnants of the retro-1950s flying car future society.

The world you encounter once you are launched from the character-creating safety of The Vault is a scary place, the early weakness of your character and the kind-of scarcity of ammunition forcing you to rely on sneak attacks, running away and the occasional application of a variety of rusted, jury-rigged weapons and armour that need to be maintained as you navigate from one colony of desperate survivors to the next, the bleak wasteland offering a subdued and often grim backdrop to your adventures.

The one advantage you have in combat is the Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System (VATS), which freezes time and allows you to spend a finite pool of Action Points targeting a particular enemy body part or protruberence. Once these Action Points are used up, they need time or the injection of a drug to replenish, meaning that you'll be seeking cover or engaging in the frantically innacurate realtime combat while the stock of APs creeps back up.

If you have a rental outlet near you that stocks this, and you aren't engaged in Fable II, you'd do yourself no harm in spending some time with what has likely overtaken Burnout Paradise, CoD4, GTA4 and everything else I have played this year to rank as my personal Game Of The Year.

And that is on an SDTV, in a game where I am only scratching around the first dozen locations, occasionally pondering whether to be an out-and-out paragon of virtue, or take the mercenary route of demanding recompense for my services, or just blasting through the place at will, looting, killing and adding to the misery already seeping out of every blasted bridge section, each boarded-up house and the vaguely hopeful faces of the defeated populace of a blasted world.

Some Genius has gone into this, and a lot of proper game-making Love in the creation of something that already feels like a masterpiece.