Deadly Sins

From Cracked.com
The Seven Deadly Sins of Online Gaming

#5.
Humpophilia (Lust)

Imagine It:

The worst possible thing that can happen to anyone has just happened to you. You’ve been killed. In a game.

You were manning the rear gun of a Warthog when the driver pulled hard right to avoid a group of Covenant Hunters and slammed your head right into errant sniper fire. Your whole life—all ninety seconds of it—flashes instantly before your visor. Then your head is snapped cleanly off like a breaking celery stalk, and tumbles down a grassy hillside.

Yet, you live. For a few precious moments, your consciousness remains, and through fading vision, you watch the Warthog driver stop, leap from the vehicle, and run to your body, which has fallen belly-down over a rocky outcropping. What’s he doing? Is he trying to help you? Can’t he see it’s too late?

Gingerly, delicately, the driver steps up to the rear of your body, then backs up a few inches, steps forward again. And again. He mutters “heh…awesome.” Yanking your eyes from the image of your body being defiled, you are affronted by two armor-plated testicles descending from above. The man crouching repeatedly over your head pauses only to take several screen caps.

Your brain finally ceases activity, and you log off to take the longest, hottest shower of your life.

Why It’s Seriously Not Cool:

No one likes to get raped, and it’s even less pleasant when you’re dead. Humping someone’s dead body isn’t just nasty, it’s downright insulting. You’ve killed him; you won. Chill out with the aggressive homoeroticism already.

There’s a reason that in all of human history, there’s never been a civilization that showed dominion over their opponents by humping their freshly killed corpses on the battlefield. Except the Sumerians, but everyone thought they were dicks.

Appropriate Punishment:

In-game, real-time ritual castration to be performed by the respawned victim.
The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Gaming